Granny Vinnie Reviews

7800 Rank: Not Ranked Genre: (Cleverly Renamed Classic Arcade) Awards: 2nd 7800 Game to Feature Fake Cussing Q*bert is Swahili for Potty Mouth. Pros: Tons of Boards You Will Never See, Excellent Translation, Custom Control Schemes for Each Player Cons: Some Color Schemes Can Hurt Your Brain That's Right Jerk, That's Level 2... IN 3D!!!

Overview: Truth be told, there are probably 50 games I could jot down with my left hand that I would rather see redone for the Atari 7800 than Q*bert, but that was before I saw the light. I soon learned that Ken Siders is not only better than me as a human being, he is also better than most of the 7800 programmers that was paid staff long ago. Q*bert is the next in a line of Atari 7800 homebrews Mr. Siders is spitting out on a regular basis that is nothing short of excellent. This game is actually so high quality it actually makes games like the 7800’s Donkey Kong and Galaga walk over to the corner of the room and pee their pants.

Graphics: Q*bert is no stud, and he has quite a mouth on him, but his surroundings aren’t too shabby. You will learn that the shining points of this translation are the little touches that most homebrew programmers wouldn’t have worried with. For example: The title screen alternates with an excellent, moving instructional screen. Q*bert’s eyes move when he jumps. The snake’s coiling action is impressive. The level introduction screens blow your mind with the faux 3-D and short demonstrations on how to clear a level! Not everything is perfect, however. The bastard creature known as “Wrong Way” is hard to distinguish if he is a scorpion, blob, or a possessed smashed bug. Some of the color schemes are a little tacky, like your Grandma’s curtains. And if you let it, some of the blocks start to look upside down like an M.C. Escher painting and your head starts to spin. That messes with your mind, fo’ sho’.

Sound: The sound in this game is better than Ken’s other 7800 homebrew’s audio, Beef Drop. It lacks an irritating tune, and it features excellent sound effects. Who can forget the swear tirade Q*bert omits when he makes a bad turn and gets landed on by a bouncing ball? I remember thinking as a kid “I can’t believe Q*bert just swore”, even though it is just @*!?, it can apparently scar a child.

Gameplay: This is a perfect example of what a 7800 game should do, kick the 2600’s version of a game right square in the @*!. So many games I have reviewed for the system are either marginal improvements or they are not nearly as fun as an older version (ie: Realsports Baseball, Karateka, Choplifter, etc.). Q*bert is a simple game that is good on the 2600, but this translation kicks it in the anus and throws it out the window. I was blown away that the game features the option to have the game played where you can guide him diagonally, or you can choose turn the joystick 45 degrees and have up represent NW, left represent SW, etc… If two players are playing, each can have their own different control scheme! Ken said he believes this game has 9 levels of four screens each. I made it to 3. The object is easy enough to understand. You want to change the color of every cube of the pyramid by hopping on every block. In your way is a hoard of enemies that like the present color scheme just fine, and they try to pounce on you to induce cartoon swearing and to bring your house shame. Your only defense against the gang is the ability to jump on rainbow saucers that take you back up to the top block. The snake hates Q*bert so much that it will leap to his death if the jump is timed correctly. The further your progress, the harder clearing a level becomes. A stipulation changes on every level. Sometimes you need to change the color on each cube twice, sometimes hopping on a square the second time reverts the color back to the original hue, etc.

Interpretation: : Do the words “dead on” mean anything to you? The game includes all of the enemies, including that green jerk that changes the colors back to the original hue and the green ball that can freeze time. Yes sir, if you like Q*bert, you will buy 15 of these carts so you can bury yourself under them and giggle with glee.

Value: With nine levels, three difficulty levels, and custom control schemes, you will be hard pressed to find a better Q*bert game anywhere

Overall: Whenever this game is released, it will be called something lame so Mr. Siders doesn’t get a knock on the door and a summons to court. It will be named BonQ, @#$!, Qernie, or whatever, but let this be known: This is the best version of Qbert you will ever play outside of the arcade or my name isn’t HR Puffinstuff!

Other trivia:

***Ken Siders has also programmed Burgertime under the name "Beef Drop" for the Atari 7800 and Atari 5200



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