Granny Vinnie Reviews

7800 Rank: 57th Genre Rank: (Puzzle) 3rd Awards: Worst Gameplay, 2nd Worst Value, 5th Worst Originality, 6th Worst Sound A bird, a meteor, a chessboard, ice and the void of fun Pros: As fire retardant as most games Cons: A silly game with no point Futuristic Nonsense

Overview: You are a...well....you see........it's like this......In space..no. Um…well, huh. It's.....well. There are these.......well, what are they? I don't know. Crap........I'm sorry....what was the question?

Graphics: Graphics are good, no....they are bad. Who knows? You know, when you don't know what you are looking at, it's hard to judge whether or not if it's good or bad. I'm leaning towards the good side, though not by much. The things on the screen are big and detailed, and they don't really clash, even on the pink walls of the first board. Your ship (which THAT is laughable) is actually a paddle that can flip upside down. Whoa...special effects.

Sound: Besides the title screen's actual voice that says, "Welcome" or "Muyh Muh"...I haven't decided yet, the game is disturbingly void of audio. In puzzle games, cool soundtracks are a must, and there is nothing coming out of your television speakers except the annoying noise of the bouncing ball.

Gameplay: Imagine you are in hell, and the devil says, "Hey, if you can clear this board in this game I got called Jinks in under three minutes, I'll let you go to heaven." You except the challenge, but no matter how hard you try, you cannot control that darn ball. You start cursing and tensing up...and then your left eye twitches. Then the controller feels the most strain it has ever felt as the ball rolls away from you again causing you to shriek. You look up at the clock and notice only 2 seconds have went by....then you scream and the devil laughs.

Originality: I could make a game where a guy walks onto the screen, pulls down his pants, takes a dump on the street, and then "Game Over" flashes on the screen. This would be original, but it would suck. Same here.

Value: Since you will play the game once, that's not a lot of value. I paid $2.00 for a brand new Jinks 10 years ago, and I was ripped off.

Overall: Jinks is a terrible, terrible game…one of the worst in history. It's supposed to be (I'm guessing) a pumped up version of 2600's paddle and ball game: Super Breakout. Sadly, it ends up being much, much worse. The problem comes from the fact that the ball is nearly impossible to control, since the game levels are so wide. Imaging trying to control a super ball in a rubber hallway...it would be maddening. There are 4 levels to this game...and they all stink. If a group of Atari players worldwide would sit down and honestly rate the worst games for the 7800, I guarantee that Jinks would be in the top 5 on everyone's list. Jinks Stinks!!!

PS: If you want a great conventional puzzle game for the Atari 7800, go to Mitch's site and download the prototype Klax for the MESS emulator. Hopefully, since the encryption info has just been released, maybe a few blokes could get together and release a homebrew version of Klax for sale. That would be great!



Other Reviews:
Video Game Critic: D
The Atari Times: 5 out of 10
Atari Gaming Headquarters: 4 out of 10
CV's Atari 7800 Panoramic Froo-Froo: 1.5 out of 5.0 (Terrible)



Additional Info: I would like to take this time to thank Mitch Orman, owner of The Atari 7800 Page for allowing the use of his screenshots for this review.



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