Granny Vinnie Reviews

7800 Rank: 45th Genre Rank: (Classic Arcade) 12th Awards: 8th Worst Interpretation Man, Wear Some Pants, DK Pros: With some grace, the 1st and 3rd boards can be enjoyed Cons: Shrill audio/ Missing 4th board/ Mario has trouble moving his pudgy buttocks up ladders This Board Was Lame, Even in the Arcade

Overview: Well, we all know the story behind the King Kong influenced Donkey Kong game. A man climbs several odd buildings, dodging obstacles thrown around by a huge insane monkey, to possibly have the chance to fight him in hand to hand combat...all for the love of a woman. Sheesh...women....anyway....Along with Pac-Man, this was one of those video games that put the arcade world on the main stream map. In fact, this game introduces us to not only the character of Donkey Kong, but also the biggest name in video game history: Mario. In this game, Mario is simply known as the insipid-sounding "Jump-man". (I thought white men can't jump?) Though Mario and Donkey Kong have made peace with each other in recent years, they were originally enemies. Donkey Kong is a big monkey. Let me reiterate...DONKEY Kong is a MONKEY. I've said it before, the Japanese are weird, folks. Actually, the word "Donkey" in Japanese means stupid. This is a questionable name for this ape anyway, not only because he is not a Donkey, but he will later star in several of his own video games, a cartoon, learns to drive a go-kart, and plays tennis and golf like a pro. Even in this game, he continually outsmarts Mario (who, by the way, is too "Donkey" to call the zoo for help or buy an elephant gun). Who is "Donkey" now? Anyway, the arcade version is a classic...how does the 7800 port stack up?

Graphics: I'm kinda teetering on how the graphics look in this game. Some animations look good, others look really really flat. Jump-man Mario is as homely as Scrapyard Dog's Louie in this, mainly because looks a little squished, as do most of the graphics. Donkey Kong looks pretty good, but I'm not sure what is going on in his genital region, and I'm not sure I want to know. The first and third boards look pretty OK, just a little flat, whereas the second level is just plain ugly. Overall, not a bad effort, but not anything like the dead on graphics in the 7800's version of Mario Brothers.

Sound: We really struggle here. There are plenty of sound effects and blips, buzzes, and zips in this game, but the noises are so shrill it really is irritating. Just now as I write this review with the sound on low, and my neck is tensed up and my dog is urinating in the corner of the room. Combine the Spring bouncing around with Mario climbing the ladders in the 2nd level, and that is a recipe for audio suicide.

Gameplay: The controls are pretty good, although a few things really bug me about the game. Namely, if I have to climb a ladder in a hurry to escape a rolling barrel, more often than not, Mario will struggle getting his lard butt up the ladder. He stops for no reason!!! Geez Mario, hit the gym, buddy. Another think that irks me is when Mario over jumps and lands on a level below where he was aiming. Yes, he dies. Have you seen him in any other game? The brother can jump 10 stories at a time and giggles when he lands. Here, he breaks his ankles and passes out over a few feet. Blah! Also, the coolest board in Donkey Kong has been eliminated in this version: the conveyor belt board. Why? you might ask. I would assume it's just 100% pure laziness. There is no question that the 7800 could have handled this, the programmers just wanted the weekend off or some crap.

Interpretation: It looks like Donkey Kong, sounds like audio hell, and does a decent job playing like Donkey Kong, but the "squished" graphics, terrible audio, and the lack of the Conveyer Belt screen make this one of the worst home translations around. It's still decently fun, mainly because it's Donkey Kong, but after a few minutes of listening to the shrill sounds and wrestling the controls, you will be scrambling around for one of the 7800's much better Arcade ports soon.

Value: Since this is an Arcade classic, a lot of peons will probably play this often. Donkey Kong purists will shy far, far away, though. The lack of added modes, levels or bonuses make this game feel real stripped down and easily forgettable.

Overall: This is the story of what might have been. The 7800 normally makes their Arcade ports excellent, but in this case, Donkey Kong seems like a rushed job. The sad thing is, there is no reason for the game to be this bad. Poor programming on a great game makes this version of Donkey Kong average at best and one of the worst home translations of DK available (besides the horrid 2600 version). This version of Donkey Kong is truly: DONKEY, Round eye!!!



Other Reviews:
Video Game Critic: B+
CV's Atari 7800 Panoramic Froo-Froo: 2.5 out of 5.0 (Weak)
The Atari Times: 5 out of 10


Additional Info: I would like to take this time to thank Mitch Orman, owner of The Atari 7800 Page for allowing the use of his screenshots for this review.

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